I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
