Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
