I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
