I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
