1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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