I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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