dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
