New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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