We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
