When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found your dick twin last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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