I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
