I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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