Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
