Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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