Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
