And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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