Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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