? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
