i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
