he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
