Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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