the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
