Have you finally orgasmed yet?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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