I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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