How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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