You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
