hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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