I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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