Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
