I didn't shave. On purpose
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please don't give away my fajitas
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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