i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
