You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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