Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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