its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
