man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
