You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
