getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
