Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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