My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
