Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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