she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
