At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
