I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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