You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
