So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
