get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
