sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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