I think I can smell my own vagina right now
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
