It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
