Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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