Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
