may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
