i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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