If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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