Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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