I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
