i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
