I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
