Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
