So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
