you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
