She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
