So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
