so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just invented taco cereal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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