you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
handjob tips. give me some.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
