new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
