So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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