I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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