He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
