I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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