we have officially lost it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
